The Tsu-nami admits culpability in death and destruction near shorelines but claims airtight hemispheric alibis concerning jobs killed further inland and asserts that The Obama-nami is responsible for compensated-labor homicides across the, now, Less-Fruited Plain.
The lawsuit was precipitated by the following exchange that took place last Thursday between White House reporters and President Barack Obama’s Press Secretary Jay Carney, who is thought to be an un-named co-conspirator in the Jobs Murders Case, when the Dow was down over 350 points and on its way to the ninth largest one day decline (512 points) in history:
Q: I believe the Dow has gone down — and obviously the day is not over — but I believe the Dow has gone down now more than during the controversial TARP vote. And analysts are saying that the reason that this is happening is because of uncertainty about the American economy, that we are entering a double-dip recession, or at the very least a period of real softness and weakness for the U.S. economy. What is the administration doing to prepare for that?CARNEY: Well, the analysis I saw today did not — was not about the American economy, particularly in terms of what’s happening, but there are obviously — there are a lot of global issues that affect the global economy and that obviously affect the American economy.We strongly believe, as I’ve said, that we will continue to grow and we will continue to create jobs and we need to take the measures necessary to do that. We have encountered in this calendar year a number of economic headwinds that could not have been foreseen — the tsunami — earthquake and tsunami in Japan that disrupted global supply chains, the unrest in the Middle East, which had an impact on oil prices, and the situation in Europe.So obviously that has hurt the economy globally and has slowed growth and job creation, but we believe that growth and job creation will continue.
The accused, Barack Hussein Obama-nami had earlier pled the Fifth Amendment concerning allegations that its economic policies had economic effects but, curiously, also blamed his predecessor, George W. Bush for job deaths after he left office.
Tsu-nami’s attorney DeVine Law Gamecock is expected to call witnesses that will testify that Obama-nami was a U.S. Senator from Illinois that voted for TARP and the last two budgets that former President Bush signed immediately before the defendant was Inaugurated. Those votes, coupled with Carney’s statement, could be deemed admissions of culpability for any jobs that were snuffed out due to inherited policies and circumstances.
In a preemptive move, The Tsu-nami also denies any involvement in events leading to the first ever downgrading of America’s credit rating, as The Tsu-nami has never served in Congress or used credit cards.
Finally, Tsu-nami has never traveled to the scene of mass job killings at the Allentown, Pennsylvania plant (pictured above). President Obama was seen there prior to the murders.
[DeVine Law Gamecock also successfully represented The Sun in a civil defamation action against Al Gore who had claimed that man warmed the earth.]
Legal Editor – The Minority Report
Atlanta Law & Politics columnist for Examiner.com
“One man with courage makes a majority.” – Andrew Jackson